· How
many of these 20 jokes do you understand without using a dictionary?
· And
if you use one?
· Which
one(s) are you going to try to remember?
· Which
one do you think is the funniest?
· On the whole, do you prefer the blue ones, or the green ones? I won't ask you why?
· Unlike
jokes for children – or that children love – this kind of jokes don’t usually depend on understanding puns
(i.e. playing on words). Which are the two here which most obviously contain puns? By the way, jokes relying on puns tend
to be more difficult for a non-native speaker to understand, and, needless to
say, they’re hardly ever translatable into another language.
· Another
reason why you may not understand a joke is that you think you know the meaning
of a particular word in it but it simply has another meaning that you don’t
know (and you don’t know that you don’t know). This may easily happen happen in
number 14 below.
· Do
you know what joke is supposed to be ‘the funniest in the world’? And the
second funniest? And do you know what factors make a joke more or less funny
according to many researchers? You’ll be able to read the answers to these
questions soon! Mind you, not that I
think the answers are ‘true’!
Unable
to wait? OK, I’ll just tell you that the answers are ‘LaughLab’ (a book, a
website, etc that you should’n take too seriously J!);
and that if you want thousands of jokes like these, the book I read a couple of
years ago was called ‘Man Goes into a Bar’, and, of course, it’s extremely easy
to find more than that in the Net – they’re naturally meant for everybody (natives
and non-natives) and you will
understand so many!
Now
just let’s read for fun.
1.
How many honest,
intelligent, caring men in the world does it take to do the dishes?
Both of them.
2.
What is the one thing that
all men at singles’ bars have in common?
They're married.
3.
Why don't women blink during
foreplay?
They don't have time.
4.
Why does it take 1 million
sperm cells to fertilise one egg?
They don't stop and ask for
directions.
5.
How does a man show that he
is planning for the future?
He buys two cases of beer.
6.
What is the difference
between men and government bonds?
The bonds mature.
7.
Why are blonde jokes so
short?
So men can remember them.
8.
How many men does it take to
change a roll of toilet paper?
We don't know - it has never
happened.
9.
Why is it difficult to find
men who are sensitive, caring and good-looking?
They all already have
boyfriends.
10.
What do you call a woman who
knows where her husband is every night?
A widow.
11.
When do you care for a man's
company?
When he owns it.
12.
Why are married women
heavier than single women?
Single women come home, see
what's in the fridge and go to bed.
Married women come home, see
what's in bed and go to the fridge
13.
How do you get a man to do
sit-ups?
Put the remote control
between his toes.
14.
Man says to God, 'God, why
did you make woman so beautiful?'
God says, 'So you would love
her.'
'But God,' the man says,
'why did you make her so dumb?'
God says: 'So she would love
you.'
15.
Man : You
remind me of the sea.
Woman : Because
I'm wild, romantic and exciting?
Man : NO,
because you make me sick.
16.
Wife : You
tell a man something, it goes in one ear and comes out of the other.
Husband : You
tell a woman something, it goes in both ears and comes out of the mouth.
17.
Mary : John
says I'm pretty. Andy says I'm ugly. What do you think, Peter?
Peter : A bit
of both. I think you're pretty ugly.
18.
Woman : How can
I ever repay you for your kindness and consideration to
me?
Man : By
cheque, money order or cash.
19.
Peter : Mom,
does God use our bathroom?
Mother : No,
Peter. Why?
Peter : Because
Daddy bangs on the door every morning and yells, "Oh god, are you still
there?"
20.
Sam : I hate
to see a girl standing in a bus when I’m comfortably seated.
Lily : So what
do you do?
Sam : I close
my eyes.
